Clothing

For most women, and men, clothing poses a particular difficulty in how we feel about ourselves.

I own a slew of size 8-10 clothing and a fair amount of size 12 clothing. I own one article of size 14 clothing. I was a solid size 14 when I started this year. I had finally gotten tired of never wearing pants to work because pants aren't as forgiving in size as dresses & skirts. And I'm still wearing them because They don't detract from my image & they don't pinch.

This past weekend, I went to my grandmother's funeral. I wore a size 12 dress that admittedly may have shrunk, but judging by my size, most likely did not. It pinched. It rode up and I have long legs. It smashed my boobs. I felt so self-conscious about myself. I felt fatter than I have in a long time because I had judged my size by how I FEEL. But instead, I am the size I am and felt like I was stuffed in a sausage casing.

Instead of being a motivator for me to keep at it and eat right and stay the course, it was difficult. I wanted to eat all the cake and ice cream there ever was. I wanted to put on sweatpants that make me forget that almost all of my clothes pinch and are a bit too small.

I refuse to buy clothes for the size I am now because I'm so close to being able to comfortably wear so many of the clothes that I already have. (Note: I have allowed myself to buy workout clothes because I feel it's reinforcing my commitment) Why buy clothes that I don't want to fit into in another month or two?

And then I wonder if I'm doing myself a disservice by refusing to shop for fitting clothes? Is it better to buy clothes that fit, even for a month, than to undo the inner self image by wearing pinchy clothes?

Because really? Scroll to the photo at the bottom. This is how I feel on the left and on the right is how I feel about my body when the clothes are too small. BIG difference!

So I may just buy a dress or pants or something that FITS me for Easter.

~Katie