Refocusing

I need to focus (or as my friend's mother says: fuh-kiss) on the positive.

Lately, I've been feeling 'off'. I've been dragging at my workouts, eating candy and other crud food, and waking up most days in a totally bad mood. James has had to deal with the brunt of the bad mood, where I have literally woken up in the morning and started griping and going off about the little things that bug me about our house, or our pets, or how he's just so freaking chipper! You know how in horror movies, the screen turns red and the sirens start going off? That's been how I've been waking up.

And there's really no reason for it. So I'm determined to choose happiness this week and every day after that. I'm determined to catch my "mean reds" before they go on too long, because it's miserable. It makes me feel worse, it makes those around me feel bad, and nobody likes a party pooper.

So today, while I woke up to a kitten who somehow got into the room and started attacking feet and knocking over my jewelry tree, and James woke up to Mr. Skitz puking on the floor, I decided that I would just take it in stride. It took a concerted effort, and I nearly fell into my habit of just letting it ruin my day, but in the end I decided that I would take it for the good. We have three pets who all have personality, and who all love us, and most love each other in some fashion. They all want to be near us all the time. And James and I have each other to take care of and love.

We had a great weekend. I stayed home to nurse a lingering cold which was exacerbated by allergies on Friday, then James took me for a date night, where we went to dinner and then went to play pool. Remind me to find a place in Houston that has pool tables for rent but isn't smokey. I don't know how places can still allow smoking, I thought it was outlawed to have alcohol and smoking. Regardless, we had so much fun. Saturday, we drove out to San Antonio to grab some things from storage for the wedding. Namely James' collection of Ghost Busters toys. We drove back and James crashed on the couch after driving for 6 hours round trip, and I went to join friends at a charity bottle share. Yesterday, we had a lazy morning, then got to work cleaning the garage a bit, picking up things that we'd left at other people's houses, and grocery shopping.

This wasn't just any grocery shopping. I was prepping for starting the 21 Day Fix, which I received on Friday. It was launched in February, and sold out so quickly that it's been on pre-order ever since. They did not expect the amount of interest in this program, and everyone I know who has been able to complete the 21 days has had great results. Today's the first day that I'm trying it out. It's focused on portion control, balanced nutrition, and eating meals every 2-3 hours. Seeing as my eating is what I've been having the most difficulty with, I've decided to start the eating plan before getting into the workouts, since I'm going to finish out the Lean Circuit of ChaLEAN Extreme.

There are various size & color containers to help determine portion sizes. One is mainly for vegetables, another for fruit, one for protein, another for mainly starches. Those are the main 4 larger containers. Those are the ones that I find more easy to come up with meal combinations with. It's the blue and orange containers that I'm still wrapping my head around. The blue, as I've seen is is mostly for more fatty foods, and the orange is for even more fatty/sweet foods? Then there's the tablespoon which is for your oils, nut butters, etc.

Today, I'm doing the regular meal plan for my weight and activity level.
4 green (veggies)
3 purple (fruits)
4 red (protein)
3 yellow (starch & caloric beverages)
1 blue (nuts & cheese)
1 orange (seeds)
4 tablespoons (oils)

There are actually lists of foods in the eating guide, so I can find out what counts as which. And you are supposed to eat every 2-3 hours, so I'll be having my first snack in a bit. The one thing that I think I'll struggle with is that you're only supposed to get 3 caloric beverages each week. I have been using a cup of unsweetened almond milk in my Shakeology each day. It tastes different with just water, so I'm going to have to experiment with what to use that works with it. Because both almond milk & wine count as caloric drinks. And I can only have 3 total each week. So if I go for wine, I have to cut out the almond milk. :-/

Also, my final fitting and bridal portraits are this weekend, so I'm using the 3 day fast track plan tomorrow through thursday. It's basically protein at every meal/snack plus a starch for the first two meals and veggies for the last 5 meals. Grilled chicken, alternating with steamed fish. Now, I tried steaming fish last night, and I'm not sure if I did it correctly. We'll have to see if it's palatable tonight. I decided that I would make it easier on myself by steaming a bunch of chicken and cubing it, as well as steaming a bunch of fish and flaking it so that I don't have to cook every day. Again, I'm a bit wary of the fish, since I've always either grilled, pan fried, or broiled fish. This had a totally different texture, so I'm just a bit wary. I may need to redo that. I look at the portions and the amount of meals and I am a bit daunted with the amount of food. But there's a lot of it because it's all very good for you.

Today here's my plan:
Breakfast: 1 scoop chocolate skakeology, 8 ounces unsweetened almond milk, water & ice with cayenne (1 red, 1 yellow, free, free, free)
Snack 1: 1 whole banana & 12 raw almonds (2 purple, 1 blue)
Run
Lunch: steamed chicken, brussels sprouts, lentils (1 red, 1 green, 1 yellow)
Snack 2: Fage 0%, blackberries & raspberries mixed (1 red, 1 purple)
Snack 3: whole artichoke & mustard (2 green, free)
Lean Circuit 1
Which leaves dinner, which I haven't fully planned. I have 1 green, 1 red, 1 yellow, and 1 orange left.
Best guess: asparagus, fish, quinoa, and olives
For the teaspoons, I'm adding virgin coconut oil to 4 of the meals, which is recommended in the program.

I'll be tracking both my workouts and my eating on here this week, so that you can see if this is a program you're interested in, or just so you can cheer me on! Seriously, I love comments. Much of my blog is internal musings and how I keep accountable, but it helps so much to hear from you!

~Katie

P.S. If you ever find yourself interested in a Beachbody program or Shakeology, please order through my website rather than off amazon! It costs the same to you, but the commission goes to me rather than to a corporate giant.
www.beachbodycoach.com/katieworksout

End of Day: Making Up

Making up a workout.

I skipped yesterday, but seeing how much I love the challenge of pushing myself a little heavier & to one more rep each week, I could not do with letting this second week go of the Lean Circuit.

My weight watchers weigh in wasn't great. But I'm convinced the gain wasn't bad. I would be kidding myself if I wasn't keeping myself from rolling my eyes half of the meeting. But then I have to remind myself that I gained 10 pound when I stopped going to meetings, so I'm not a genius guru or anything.

So. Lean Circuit 2. Deltoids & lats. And more push-ups. I've accepted my body's stance on push-ups. I'm guessing I messed up my right elbow while I was training for the MS150 a couple years ago and had that big crash & stitches. Why? Well, because that elbow has a difficult time staying solid during push-ups. I either have to not straighten it (bad for plank, too) or shift around in it every time I get to the top of the push-up. Doesn't hurt, but it always feels weird. So, I don't push myself to go to my ties as much as I could. 

My Deltoids are becoming stronger, though! Last time I went through ChaLEAN, I don't think I got past 7.5 lb lifts. Now, I'm right between 10 & 12.5 lbs. Progress!

~ Katie

PS The wedding is coming up! I'm so excited, it just doesn't compute. Sharing that moment with family & friends and then starting our marriage. It's just beyond my comprehension sometimes. I keep reminding myself that this is real life & I won't just wake up one day to find it was all some dream. And it's a real life that I will work every day to make sure it stays real.

TurboFire Day!

I had a difficult time waking up the past couple of mornings. Yesterday, I had planned on doing my workout after work, but then realized I had a social event scheduled. We got home way too late for me to lift weights.

So this morning, I knew I had to fit something in. I only had half an hour, so I popped in a TurboFire HIIT 20 DVD & got to work. My hope is that this works well enough to make a change in my Weight Watchers weigh in later today. But knowing my luck, I probably shot that in the foot & will maintain.

Oh well. I'm feeling good, and I have another workout scheduled tonight. Won't let it bring me down. 

~Katie

Well Lookie Here

I didn't make time for my workout yesterday, so that, I made it up! Yay for Lean Circuit 1 on my rest day! Tomorrow, I'll be back on schedule.

~ Katie

New Delivery

The new china cabinet was delivered right as I was about to start my workout, but I still got in that workout. Lean Circuit 3 and all the push-ups have kicked my booty! What an ab, shoulder, & chest intensive workout!

This month will be a challenge, and that's great because it will get me looking forward to pushing myself harder the whole time. No time to stress, just time to get it done!

Yesterday, I did not go to WW, so that I could go today with my mom. Which means I'll be weighing in the noon after the Ladies of Craft Beer meetup. Not ideal, but I managed to keep my indulgence in check a bit. Ordered a salad without dressing, and had a couple appetizers. Stayed away from pizza, but caves and have a couple beers. I know, I gave it up for Lent, but it's the first time I've had an adult beverage since Saturday, and the wine list was cruddy. I use the social excuse, and the lack of willpower. 

All in all, I didn't leave feeling like I are too much or drank too much, and I knew that I had a salad to fall back on if I was munchy.

So now, time to get this show on the road and head to work, a bit late, but the delivery came earlier than anticipated, so I'll be in before I thought I would have been.

~Katie

A Quick Cardio

Today was Burn Intervals day, but I was running late, so TurboFire Fire 30 was my poison.

Today's my weigh-in with weight watchers. I know I've gained between the weekend celebrations & the weekday stress-eating. But the biggest thing is to show up & not hide my mistakes & let myself fail up.

~Katie

Tracking March 2014

I've been saying for months that I need to take photos.

I haven't.

I didn't want to see them, and see how far I've slipped. I didn't want to wake up early enough to workout, shower, and then set up lighting to take photos in the dark before work. I didn't want to face them. I didn't want to admit how far from my goals I have gotten again.

And I just started the Lean Circuit today. It's a new circuit, a challenging circuit.

And I need to do this for me. So instead of waiting to take them once more, I pulled the trigger shutter.

I have not worked out since last Wednesday. I have eaten like crud, celebrating. And I have had more alcohol than I honestly should have, celebrating. My family came in town, and I had pizza, I had wine, I had cake, I had beer, I had chips and dip and all of the wonderful yumminess that I have been avoiding. And it was worth Every. Single. Second.

It's night, so I have an entire day's worth of bloating on me, but I decided that rather than hide, I needed to take stock. There's no shame in sticking with it through the struggles.

I was 177 lbs this morning. I don't know my measurements, I'll take them sometime again.

Since I felt it was best to be able to compare applebottoms to applebottoms, I decided to return to the aqua bathing suit for some and the black bathing suit for repeats.

Aqua. Last year January through April, then this year, today.

Front

Back

Side

 And then in Black. January, April, July (*lowest), November, Today

Front

Back

Side

Different body composition, but I seem to be about the same as where I was this time last year. I'd love to get back to where I was last July, and I know that I can get even more fit, too.

Time to get this tushie into gear and keep my inspiration close. I just need to really pay attention to what my goals are and feed myself correctly.

~Katie

Ah Push It! Push It Real Good!

Tonight was the last strength workout of the Push Circuit! And would you LOOK at those numbers?!

I'm so so proud of myself for really pushing myself most of the days & for not missing a single strength day for 4 weeks!

Also? I've been trying on dresses for my party Friday night. I bought a dress for it way back in November or October. I fit in it well, except in the busy, which I think needs 1 inch more lost to be flattering. Maybe I'll use it for the rehearsal dinner?

So I tried on another dress that has always not quite fit when I have an occasion to wear it AND IT ZIPPED UP WITHOUT ISSUE! It also has pockets!

I'll take a photo when I'm all dressed up in it, but I'm very pleased that it fits! I bought it back last May, and then I gained weight. I was planning on wearing it for my birthday, but I felt like it didn't fit well enough. Then it pinched at my Christmas party. But now, finally, it FITS!

~Katie

PS I have a problem with buying dresses that I have to work to fit into. I leave the tags on until I have an occasion. Two dresses will get their day in the sun this weekend! So excited!

I've Finally Done It

Yesterday, at lunch, I ran 2 miles.

I ran both miles at around a 9:31 minutes/mile pace.

And I'm actually sore today.

I also realize that I completely overreacted to my weight on Monday morning. I weighed in at 177.7 lbs. After working out at lunchtime, and watching what I ate and drinking a lot of water, I was 174 lbs by the time I got home from work. There are very few ways that someone can drop 3+ pounds within a day. So I'm calling myself on my craziness.

Today, I have time to work out after work, so I'm not doing my lunchtime run.

~Katie

Lunch Run

Well, I did it! A sub-10 minute mile! 

 And one bright red face!

~Katie

Weekend

I really didn't do that well this weekend.

I ate too much on Friday and didn't do my workout.

I did my workout on Saturday, but then didn't have that great of a dinner.

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This is not really a positive post. I realize I'm probably being harder on myself than I need to be, but I'm struggling with it.
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I did not work out Sunday because I didn't get out of bed in time to do my workout before going to Mass. Then I had brunch with friends, which was fun, but I totally over indulged. Then, after painting the dining room, we ordered pizza.

So I'm just calling it a wash. I tracked it all, but I really should have made more of an effort to work out.

Can't change the past. So I brought my workout clothes with me today. I found out where the women's shower is at work (in another building) so I can actually take a mid-day run. My only issue is that I didn't bring lunch with me. That was really a lapse in planning. I guess I'll go to the cafeteria after I finish my run to pick something up.

My bachelorette party and bridal shower are this weekend. I'm excited to see everyone and so afraid that I will have nothing to wear since I seem to be unable to maintain an attitude committed to weight loss. I just end up sabotaging myself like this past weekend. I'm up, I'm down. I start exercising more and I'm not missing workouts for 3 weeks and then I miss 2 workouts in 3 days. I steadily lose weight for 2 weeks and then I go hog-wild and gain 4 pounds.

I know most people can actually feel inspired to get to goal for big events like weddings. For me, it's the opposite. I would LOVE to be in better shape than I've been in since August for the wedding! And the more that I try and the more that I think about it, the more weight I gain, and the more I stress-eat. So the goal ends up being the nightmare and stressor. That brings me further from my goal in the end.

We got our engagement photos back this week. I love them, mostly. I love the love you can see in them.

And I can't help looking at my body and feeling like I've wasted the past 6 months getting larger rather than smaller and that these photos will forever be fat-me. Frozen in time. Fat-Katie with a double chin.

Which is absolutely ridiculous because not many other people will see it that way. Most likely no one will see them that way.

And I really don't want to see my wedding photos and think that. But I'll just have to live with the fact that I can't magically lose 30 pounds overnight. There are 54 days until our wedding. Just under 8 weeks. Even losing 2 pounds a week, which will take a ridiculous amount of self-control and stress-control, that's 16 pounds. I still won't be my ideal weight. I'll be halfway there. I just have to actually stick to it. I have to actively think of every single thing that I put in my body and ask if it's worth it. I have to make the hard decision to make a meal rather than buy a meal. I have to wake up 2 hours early to get in an extra workout a day so that I'm not going 50 points in the hole each week. That's 5 50 minute runs, if I don't change my eating habits.

And part of me feels like this is too much. I shouldn't be so unhappy with how I look.

Right now, I'm operating on a lot of "should"s.
I SHOULD be able to do this.
I SHOULD be able to do that.
I SHOULD be able to succeed in all of these ways that I'm failing.

But all I can do is what I can do. I don't need the extra stress of trying to fulfill all of the "should"s that I'm falling short on. Each day, I start over. Each day, I try to stay within my goals. And I need to remember that on the days that I just want to throw the plan out the window, like yesterday. I need to remind myself on those days when the house is turned upside down and there is no counterspace to cook on that there's a better choice than pizza.

Because I don't want my struggle with weight to keep me from enjoying a day of celebrating forging ahead in a life together among our families and friends.

~Katie
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Addendum:
I'm revisiting this post because I feel that there's more to be said, and some things that I didn't quite express the way that I wanted to.

1. I really do love my engagement photos. Yes, there is the self-critical eye that I'm trying my best to see through, but for the most part, I see our love, I see the skill of our photographer, and I remember how fun that day was. That's what I see and feel when I look past nitpicking my physical self. And honestly, I'd rather deal with my own personal perception demons than look at them and critique the skill with which they were taken or to have never taken them at all for fear of what I would look like. Photographs are markers for memories, a moment frozen in time. When I look at photos of other people, I rarely see what they see, I see what the image is ABOUT. People won't see Katie with a double chin, they see Katie laughing joyously because James has said the perfect thing to get her started.

2. I refuse to crash diet or lose weight at an unhealthy rate due to over-exercising or under-eating. I am fine with modest rate of loss and plan to continue my journey to fitness after the wedding, just as I began long before we got engaged. Would it have been really great to have met my goal by the wedding? Absolutely. Do I still plan on doing everything I can to make sure that I look great in my dress? Yes! But I also realize that I won't miraculously reach my 30 pound goal in 8 weeks (and if I did, I hope that someone would pull me aside and make sure that what I was doing was healthy).

3. Honestly, given my ability to fixate and stress over deadlines, I need to have a heart to heart with myself and decide that there is no deadline for my goals.  If stress triggers unhealthy eating and lack of enthusiasm, then I need to eliminate as much stress as I can. Our wedding is a date. I will achieve what I've achieved by then. It's a point in my life, it's not THE point in my life. My life has been a journey. I've had times of great fitness, times of great mental health, times of horrible fitness, times of horrible mental health, times of being too skinny, and times of being overweight. And right now, I may be on that cusp of overweight, but I also am doing so much better mentally and am happier than I've been in years. It's all about perspective, I guess.

Happy Mardi Gras!

I totally brought king cake to the office today. Which means that I had a couple small pieces. It also means that I fielded questions about what that colorful pastry on the table was from my colleagues from all over the world. Many were surprised that the colored sugar was not flavored, just colored sugar.

I also did my Burn Intervals workout.

I was less than enthused to do my workout rather than getting right into eating dinner & having my last non-Sunday beer for 40 days.

Which is what I'm about to do now.

Brussels sprouts, quinoa, and eggs are on the menu.

~Katie

Spotter!

Seeing as I didn't want to risk making an twinge into an injury, but I also didn't want to miss all my workouts, I called in a spotter for my workout yesterday.

Thanks, James!

I had him watch me from the side to give me feedback on technique and to jump in if I had an issue.

It was lunges as the lower body portion, and I realized through it that my right knee does not have issues being the front leg on the lunge. However, push it back and have it be the balance leg? That's when I'm pushing against the weak part of my knee. 

If I put my toe straight back, my knee is stable, but I am not. If I spread my leg to the side at shoulder width, I'm creatin torque either one way or another and hat's what I'm trying to avoid. So I may need to play around with how I do left leg lunges.

Anyways, I did it!

~ Katie

Weekend Wasteland

I was not great this weekend.

Saturday, I did my Push Circuit Workout, then I went for a jog for 45 minutes. I was so wrung out, so I didn't make my speed goal of sub-12 minute miles. But I still did it. And I went to have brunch on my way home. The version of eggs benedict at Downhouse was calling me to keep running. It's squash cakes topped with smoked salmon & poached eggs with a creamy dill sauce on top. There's also a side of fresh greens with a light vinaigrette. By far one of the healthier versions of eggs benedict. I knew I needed to eat well because we were headed to a wedding and wouldn't have dinner until around 8 pm.

I danced my tooshie off at the wedding! And I ate well.

Sunday, my right knee started whining at me. I tweaked it a couple years ago training for the MS150 bike ride. A combination of falling off my bike/crashing a few times and a bike that was fit for someone about 6 inches shorter than me (I did go for a bike fitting to get it optimized, but there's only so much you can do with a frame meant for someone smaller). It hasn't acted up at all this year. So I suspect that with the very heavy lifting I've been doing, I re-tweaked it when I lost balance on one of the squats or lunges. I don't have great balance, so I've been known to lose it when I'm working out. Instead of going with it, and letting myself fall, I fought to regain balance. With 90 extra pounds of weight and rotating on my knee, I should have just let it go. And then I ran. And then I danced for 2+ hours in 4 inch heels.

So Sunday. Sunday, I iced my knee, and I did not work out. We did walk to brunch, though? I felt a bit pity-party-ish about my knee and totally took yesterday to indulge in brunch and pizza and beer with friends. And I needed that. One last big let-it-all-go day before Lent.

This Lent, I'm continuing with Weight Watchers meetings with my mom, and I'm giving up beer. I've been weaning myself from beer this year and indulging my vinofile tendencies in an effort to make it less cold-turkey of a sacrifice.

Today, I have another weights workout. I'm going to take it easy on the lower body focus, though. I don't want to push this tweak to the point of injury. But I also don't want to go more than that one day without a workout. Because 2 days in a row without a workout usually leads to me taking over a week off of a workout.

Cheers, Happy Lundi Gras!
Katie