The Week That Just Keeps Going

I have eaten the same meal for lunch and dinner every day this week.

It's an okay meal.

My schedule is:
wake up
get ready
work
walk to get lunch & dinner
work
eat dinner
work
go home
work out
relax a tiny bit
sleep

That's it

Today is a switch up because it's checkup day.
I went to Weight Watchers at lunchtime, picking up said same lunch & dinner on my way
I will go to therapy this evening, I really feel like just going in asking how much I owe, and walking out.
I am not frustrated, I don't have anything huge that I'm having issues with, I don't feel like I'm spinning out of control, I don't feel manic, I don't feel sad, I actually feel quite content, if a bit stressed (normal when it's sortof like finals week for my short term assignment, it's okay, I've been steadily working towards this, I've got it, it's just a bit stressful).

So.

Weight this morning was a solid 169 lbs on my scale at home before any food or clothing to mess things up.
This is a big thing for me.

When I broke down in my kitchen last year while dyeing yarn because I went and weighed myself and I weighed 170 lbs, it was the impetus of my joining Weight Watchers online. I lost about 15 lbs in a month and a half. And then I gained it all back plus 15 more pounds.

So getting back to that point, that breaking point for me, it means a lot.

At my meeting, my weigh in was actually .2 lbs over what I weighed in at two weeks ago. I don't really like that. However, given my relaxed tracking from my birthday through the holiday weekend, an overall gain of .2 lbs means that I kept in check and corrected. So, I'm fine with it, but I really do need to barrel through July and get solidly into the small pair of jeans.

They keep staring at me. They want to be worn. I just don't feel comfortable in them, yet. I have a couple inches on my hips to go before they will be non-muffin-toppy.  And I don't like wearing clothes that are too tight anymore. I'd rather swim in clothes and feel the effect of losing weight than wear something that is a bit too tight, but in a smaller size, and then feel constricted and fat.  Does that even make sense?

The feeling of loose clothing has suddenly become a feeling of accomplishment. It means that I've been making progress. It means that I've come a long way from where I started and those articles of clothing were too tight.  Wearing tight, yet, smaller sized clothes, just feels like I'm squishing into it and reminds me that I'm not there, yet. All day long. That I'm not there, yet. That I planned on being there 2 months ago, and I'm still not there, yet. And then I get frustrated and flustered with myself.  And so I wear the loose clothing that proves to me that I've made progress, and encourages me to continue. And I keep the pair of jeans at hand to try on in the morning after weigh-in, just to see if I'm that much closer to feeling comfortable in them. Because that moment. That moment will be a celebration.

~Katie