After this past month, I just didn't feel like it this morning.
Embarrassment? Maybe.
Shame? A bit.
Guilt? A little.
This past month has just not been good.
Lots of celebration. Lots of fun. Lots of mood swings. Little time for just being.
And I totally did that to myself. This was no one's fault.
No one asked me to get a metric tonne of candied popcorn, and no one forced me to eat it.
No one made me stay in bed rather than working out.
No one made me go to the bar to meet up with friends rather than working out.
No one made me do it. I just did it.
I chose to get the popcorn, and eat it.
I chose to stay in bed.
I chose to forgo the evening workout.
I chose to not track my food on the weekends and most weekdays.
I chose to just not be engaged.
I've been up and I've been down. I've been down to my lowest weight in months this past month and even bought size 10 pants, and wore them one day. But I think that I did it too soon. I let myself believe that I was doing alright, and I relaxed my drive. I relaxed and all the weight packed back on.
I sought out candy.
I sought out all the good stuff, and I jumped in with both feet.
And my mood suffered for it. I just couldn't get back in the groove. I didn't like the month of workouts I was on, but that was an excuse. I need to find a better location to workout so that I don't worry about falling through my floor in my 1920's craftsman home on pier & beam. TurboFire makes my whole house shake. I need to find a new location to work out, but I don't need to stop altogether.
This past weekend, I was out of town, celebrating for 4 days. All talking and drinking and eating, and a bit of walking. But just a bit. I brought my workout DVDs, but I didn't do them, there wasn't room in the hotel room, and there wasn't room in the workout room for what I needed to do. One day, I did actually get up and just went down to get in a walk and some running for a half hour before we went out and started the day with family. And I danced my toosh off at the wedding. ActiveLink says that I got 170% of my goal on Saturday.
But that still doesn't offset all of the enchiladas and queso and guacamole that I ate. Nor does it counteract the multiple margaritas, beer, and wine consumed.
I did make some better choices, trying to load up on greens and vegetables, and choosing less of the starch and cheese, but the food was SOOO GOOOD! And I didn't match it with my working out.
And, while fun, the whole 4 days of intensity, plus travel, completely sucked my energy out of me. I woke up on Monday morning sick in body, mind, and spirit. I called in, and took the day off. I didn't turn on anything that made noise (except for making my shake). I read. I communed with the animals, who are just one of the world's best mood helpers. I read. I ate a bit. But I was just silent, and still, and fed my imagination with books. James came home and brought the ginger chicken ramen that feeds my soul as much as my body, and he kept the silence and stillness (and took a good, solid 2 hour nap), and we read. We chatted a little, but mostly just read, and fed the soul. I felt much better by the end of the day, but I still didn't have it in me to work out.
So instead of waking up today, raring and ready to go take my photos and weigh in and take measurements, I am still in the mid-170's, still wearing size 12 or 14. 12 in most brands (which is still progress from where I started), but still a couple brands that I need 14 in.
So here's the deal:
I promise to complete my workout every day from today until my next rest day (which is Monday), and continue for the rest of the month.
I promise to track every little bit, even if I'm overdoing it.
I promise to make time for myself, so that I am not overwhelmed to the point of needing to retreat for an entire day again, even when family obligations exist.
I also promise, I will track on Thursday or Friday morning, with photos. I know it's just a few days away, but I feel like I may be ready then. I would like a book end for this coming session.
~Katie
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