Thursday, August 21, 2014

All Around the Mulberry Bush

I'm just going to give August a wash.

My mood is all over the place. Happy, sad, mopey, angry, calm,  irritated, etc.

I'm working out not much. I actually have been doing some working out this week, so that's a positive. My muscles are sore from PiYo. I need to get used to the flow of PiYo, because doing it doesn't really get me revved up, but the after effects are definitely giving me the indication that I'm working hard. I think it's more towards the yoga side of things where the workout is more calm and collected. After so long of revved up workouts, it's different.

I'm working on just trying to keep my head above water most of the time because we're going through a transitional upheaval.

There is some good news that I can finally announce, since some papers are signed: I'm moving to a different position at work. I felt like it was time to learn something related, but new, and to work on defined projects again, so I'm moving back to processing in a slightly different capacity. I'll be associated with the same group I am now, but I'll have a different reporting structure and I'll be moving down the hall a bit to a different office. I'm lucky enough to have a great manager who responded well when I went to him to discuss my need for a change. Things progressed quickly and I'm glad to be supported through it.

Another good news, I can't quite let out of the bag, yet because things aren't solid and signed on more paper (some paper has been signed). So I'm still not letting myself get too attached to the transition. Stay tuned.

I'm still struggling with weight. Let's face it, I'm going through a TON of transitions and I often go to food for comfort. I've been doing it more than I should lately. But I'm mindful of that, and not letting myself go too far too often (says the girl who had ice cream and jalapeno spread with crackers as the whole of her dinner last night).

I'm seeing how I associate what I wear (and what I purchase to wear) on how I feel about myself. When I was all skinny mini, I wore a ton of bright colors. I had some basic neutrals to mix in, but I gravitated towards bright colors. Before I started this blog and this current journey, I had transitioned into buying greys and blacks almost exclusively. I wore greys and blacks and neutrals almost exclusively. I felt bad about myself. I felt unattractive, so I didn't draw attention to myself.

Lately, I go through the colorful/neutraldark cycle a lot. Every day, I dress for my mood. If I wear makeup, it's usually a day that I'm feeling better about myself. If I wear color, I'm in a better mood. If I do my hair rather than just putting it in a bun or ponytail, I'm usually reflecting how I feel. Overall, I'm gravitating towards color these days. I'm wearing color and buying color. I could wear coral every day head to toe (no joke). The past couple of days, I've been doing my makeup and doing my hair.



And something that I'm thinking about is the whole "fake it til you make it" mentality. If this is what I do naturally when I'm feeling good about myself and in a good mood, then should I force it when I'm not? Does wearing the color and doing my hair & makeup aid in changing my mood? Or is it okay to just let myself have an off day/week and feel those feelings, explore them, and figure out what I need to get out of them?

~Katie

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